Adventures in Baby-Making || A Trying to Conceive Blog

I'm starting to believe that we were just not meant to be parents. I know it's still way too early to tell, but I just know in my heart that I am not pregnant this cycle, yet again. I just have this really bad feeling about everything. I'm not even sure if I ovulated. According to the saliva test, I did...but, according to my chart, I did not. My temps are all over the place. They are supposed to stay elevated after ovulation and they have not. I'm just really worried that after everything I've gone through, we'll just never see results - HSG, surgery, Clomid, etc. The Clomid is driving my insane. I have constant hot flashes, the worst being at night. I wake up in the middle of the night every single night in a pool of sweat. It's getting to be unbearable. I want to go back to being cold all the time like I'm used to! Anyways, I'm really starting to lose my sanity. I've just been so unfocused on everything besides thinking about this precious child who hasn't even been conceived. I know I've blown off friends, family, working, etc. I honestly cannot concentrate on anything else. Okay, I'm off to cry and have a depressing afternoon :(

So, I am pretty much on cloud nine after my last period. It lasted all of 3 days (compared with the usual 10 or more days) and was soooo light. I'm sure a lot of that also has to do with all the bleeding I did before surgery (Lupron) and the three weeks of bleeding after my surgery. There couldn't have been much else left, so I'm not expecting it to be this great of an experience every cycle, but it was a pleasant surprise. I took my Clomid on days 5-9 and I'm done with those now. Now it's a waiting game to see if I actually ovulate for once this time. Adam and I went through a book of baby names and made a list of our favorites to pick from. I still like Eva Joy for a girl. He likes Ryleigh Paige. I think we're both agreeing on Hayden Rhys for a boy at this point, but we still really like Jackson Boyce too. It's just fun to sift through all the different options. Knowing us, when we actually do have to name our child, it'll probably be a last-minute decision.

Relax - you’re worrying too much. Well, when you and your spouse are young and healthy adults and can't seem to conceive after over a year and a half of trying, maybe there is something to worry about.

Don’t think about it, then it’ll happen. If you want it to happen, you have to think about it. I have to take my temperature each morning before I even get out of bed to keep track of ovulation or lack thereof. Not to mention the ovulation predictor sticks and saliva tests. It's not something you can pull off without thinking about it.

You’re trying too hard. Uh, there's no such thing as trying too hard. That's ridiculous. Actually, the more you try, the better your chances are.

Give it time. We have. Infertility is when couples have been unable to conceive naturally in a year or more. It's been a year and seven months.

You’re being selfish. Is every mother that has a child selfish? Just because it's taking longer for us, doesn't make us selfish.

Why don’t you just adopt? We're not going to feel bad for wanting to have a child of our own flesh and blood. We're not ruling out adoption, but we really want to experience pregnancy as a couple and share our nine months of joy with our family and friends. We'll do almost anything to go that route. If in time that doesn't work out for us, then we'll adopt.

You should be happy with the blessings you have. We are happy with everything we've been blessed with and not once have we taken anything for granted. We feel blessed that my septum was discovered before we conceived and miscarried. We feel blessed that we have such a loving and caring support system. We feel blessed that we have two doctors that will help us any way that they can. We feel blessed just waking up in the morning and having each other. We know we're blessed. Just because we are struggling to conceive doesn't mean we're forgetting what we already have.

Think of all of your freedom - you can do anything you want, without having to worry about taking care of children. We've enjoyed that freedom for almost three years as a married couple. We've accomplished everything we've wanted to in that time. Now we want to expand our family and think about the future. That's what we as a couple have decided to do.

As soon as we stopped trying we got pregnant! Good for you. You probably didn't have a uterine septum, endometriosis, and lack of ovulation holding you back.

If my husband just looks at me I get pregnant! You should be thankful it came so easily for you and not rub it in the face of someone who is not that lucky.

It happened to me and we weren’t even trying. I'm happy for you.

My sister/cousin/friend got pregnant on birth control pills. And this relates to our situation how again?

My kids are driving me crazy…want one? How can you be so ungrateful? Of course children aren't going to be angels 24 hours a day, but to say something so insensitive to a couple who can't have children is just downright rude.

Aren’t you afraid of having multiples? No, we're not afraid. I think we know any and all risks of what we're trying to do here. We will take whatever God feels we should have.

Unfortunately, Adam and I have had most of these things said to us in one form or another. I know people didn't mean for it to hurt, but it does. We're not asking for advice from anyone - that's for our doctors to give us. All we need from everybody else is love, support, prayers, and to be kept in your thoughts. It's a daily struggle for us. Anyone who has gone through infertility knows exactly what I mean. If you haven't gone through it, you can't even try to understand. You just can't.

My post-op appointment was this morning. Dr. Dabinett went over how the surgery went (since I was pretty out of it the day of surgery when she told me the first time). Dr. Irianni is confident that he removed all of the septum. Dr. Dabinett gave us some pictures from the surgery to give us a better idea of what the endometriosis looked like. They are in the photo gallery now if you'd like to look. I find them pretty fascinating myself. She did tell us that the endo will return. The best thing for us now is to get pregnant as quickly as possible. She is putting me back on the Clomid to help speed up the process and to get my cycles regulated. I can stop taking the estrogen now, since it has already been three weeks since the surgery. We finally remembered to ask about Adam's semen analysis results and thankfully they were all normal - no problems there, it's all me! I have a follow-up appointment in six weeks because she'll have to monitor me while I'm on the Clomid since it can cause things like ovarian cysts and such...hoping none of that will happen. She said that I should be getting my period in about two weeks, so when that is over, we can start trying to have a baby again! Yay, such good news!! Some bad news though...bills! They are outrageous. We're going to end up owing well over $4000 to various doctors and facilities. I called the Surgi-center today and set up payments with them. We haven't gotten the actual bill from the doctor yet, but insurance refuses to pay a penny since the diagnosis is infertility and they don't cover any treatments related to that. Ugh. So, donations are welcome, haha!